Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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