i think my tv is drunk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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