He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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