even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Are we still banned from the library?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
