I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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