So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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