did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i drank out of a bidet.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize