I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
