My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
