Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
