:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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