Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
