if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
