u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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