The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Randomize