he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
