I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
