Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize