not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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