Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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