You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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