I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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