he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
