Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
