I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
