I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
