Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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