Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
