News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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