the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
