Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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