she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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