Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
