U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
