i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
