I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
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We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!