we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.