I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
