im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize