he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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