I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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