i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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