i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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