yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
