Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
