Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am one with the molecules
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize