I'm lost and stupid without you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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