How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Farmville is her only friend.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Everclear isn't food dammit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
