In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
