Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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