3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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