Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
