I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
