so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What did we do last night that was yellow?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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