just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
