well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
