i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
