Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
