4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
