How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
